You know, it took me a long enough time to come to the realization and conclusion that my mother never really liked cooking for others. Yes, she cooked for my Dad, as well as for my sister and I when we were growing up. I just know for certain now that her heart was never in it.
From the things I've heard her say over the years, my mother preferred to sit back and be served, rather than being the one who served others. Even as a Christian who is called to served others, she wanted to be the one being served.
Don't believe me? When we would come home from church, she'd get herself a cup of coffee and sit down. After all, she wasn't hungry. It didn't take long for Dad to get the hint, and he'd start cooking.
She used to tell me and my sister about the time she went on a drive-in theater triple date, with one of her sisters and a friend. The boys, out of a sense of duty/obligation, would offer to buy the girls a soft drink and a sandwich. My aunt and the friend refused the sandwich, but took the soft drink. My mom would take both.
After the date, my aunt and their friend would chew out my mother. "You know he couldn't afford both!" they would say. "Why did you do that to him?"
My mother's proud response was, "If he couldn't afford it, he shouldn't have offered that to me."
A fair response...to an extent. She knew that he couldn't afford it, but if there's one quality my mom possesses and is willing to use, is that she will exploit any loophole to benefit herself. She would put Dad on a diet, but have the freezer in the garage loaded with every chocolate candy and ice cream snack she wanted.
Now, I am aware that cooking is not just the woman's purview, and that men do cook. After all, I do cook sometimes (not as much as I'd like), but do not promote yourself as a provider if you are not willing to live up to it.
Dad worked swing shift for so many years (I do NOT recommend it), so on many nights, at dinner time, he'd be at work. When we had learned enough to cook the basics, Mom refused to fix us anything and told us to fend for ourselves. She'd leave my sister and I to our own devices.
When my sister and I grew up and moved out, Dad took over more and more of the cooking duties...until he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, that is. Then, she tried to feed him, as his appetite and thirst diminished. Her attempts to keep his weight up became somewhat desperate.
That demise was heartbreaking to watch. Not only did I lose my Dad, I saw my mother lose her husband and how much it tore her up.
Yes, despite my earlier comments, my parents really loved each other.
But, when Dad died, her cooking experiences dropped down enough to be considered nearly non-existent. She eats out a lot, and I'm not sure she remembers how to cook a lot of food she used to make.
Hey, if you can afford it, and want it, then eat out. After, I'm pretty libertarian in many regards. That is your right, just as it is hers.
But, I could never picture my mother-in-law doing the same. Yes, my in-laws do get carry out a lot more than they used to, but my wife's mother still cooks a lot of their meals.
When my wife and her brother were growing up, even through their teens, their mother still cooked all their meals for them - without complaint. Why? She saw it as her responsibility.
If I were to visit my mother, we would sit in the living room and talk until I left. Visiting my in-laws would be a whole lot different. My mother-in-law would offer me something to drink and/or food, and then we'd visit. She'd even give me a care package to take home for everyone there, including me.
The funny thing is that I pictured myself as having the normal home life when I grew up. In some respects, we did have one, but not in all of them.
That's sad, when I think back on it.
That's all for now.
Peace be unto you.
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