At one time, I wanted to be a restaurant reviewer. Then I grew up and that desire left me. I'm not trying to be flippant here, or dismissive of restaurant reviewers, but when I eat at restaurants, I'm there for my enjoyment. If I were to do it because it was my job, I'm afraid that something good would be lost.
After all, I used to enjoy eating at Pizza Hut, until I actually worked there. I haven't worked there for more than twenty years, and it's just not the same as when I was in high school.
There's only so many words that be used to write about food, anyways. The sad thing I've realized is that there are not that many words that can be used when writing about food. An even sadder thing I've realized is that many of those same words can be used to describe sex acts in the cheesiest ways possible.
How crazy is that?
Besides, while I might post an occasional restaurant review here, this blog isn't about erotica, or even double entendres.
But, dealing with restaurants, the best things that can be said about them is that you post all the necessary information, such as:
--Their full title (or what it says on their marquee.) For instance, call it Burger King, not that hamburger place with delusions of royal grandeur.
--Their hours of operation, especially when their prices change from a lunch setting to a dinner one. This is tricky in the case of franchised restaurants.
--Their full and accurate address, especially when it comes to franchised restaurants.
--Their price range. After all, some people like paying through the nose because they believe it's more real, or fits their self-image of their personal class setting. Others want their money's worth, and hate paying for what they view as snobbish phoniness.
--Their phone number and a URL (if they have a web address, that is.)
--Whether they require (or even accept) reservations.
--Their specials. Some places have good deals for their regular customers, or for seniors. Quite a few even have good deals for veterans or active duty service members, especially on Veteran's Day. It never hurts to ask.
The important thing to remember is that a restaurant review is basically the opinion of the reviewer himself (or herself). So you're never really sure if what you're reading is a genuinely good experience, or a self-serving puff piece.
At the same time, in the case of a negative review, you don't know if someone's getting their vengeance for whatever reason, or if he or she really had a nasty experience.
I've read tales of restaurant reviewers demanding perks or special treatment or even special meals for the planned visit.
Not for this guy. When I do a review, I'll pay for the meal myself, and I will not announce who I am or that I'm a reviewer to the staff or anyone else. My reviews will be more of an experience report than an actual review, anyway.
I've learned through real experiences that I'm actually very easy to please at a restaurant. For instance, when I was fourteen, myself and six other relatives went to a restaurant/tavern located in Fort Recovery, Ohio. I don't remember the name of the place, and since it happened in 1976, the place may not exist anymore.
I ordered Swiss steak, mashed potatoes with gravy, green beans, and a roll. It was delicious, and I really liked my meal, but apparently, I was the only one in my party who did. There was a lot of complaining after we left the place.
At the time, my father was prone to using colorful metaphors when he was displeased with a restaurant. He did get better about that as he got older, though. At least he didn't use them at the restaurant that day.
Or say that my sister and I were to have each written a review immediately after our meal. Our reviews would have been markedly different, even though we were at the same table on the same day and at the same time.
My wife has told me many times that a restaurant review is merely someone's opinion, and not necessarily a fact. I concede that fact, and that applies to movie and book reviews, as well.
You would have to go out of your way to give me bad enough service to actually displease me. Two restaurants have hit that distinction in the last twenty years, and both of them happen to be in Portland, Indiana.
One of them was not open when it was scheduled to be, and no explanation was posted on its main door that day. I'm a pretty easy going person, but if a restaurant does not care to honor their own hours, then I do not care to patronize their business.
The other restaurant had good food, though I've had better cole slaw. I was asked if I wanted mustard and ketchup for my breaded pork tenderloin sandwich and French fries, I said, "Yes."
Apparently, that was only a conversation topic, and not an actual offer of condiments, for the waitress never brought either one. I've not been back to that restaurant, either.
Life's too short to patronize a restaurant you know that you do not like.
As far as eating in a fancy (read that as "expensive") restaurant, you're simply paying for an image, in my humble opinion. The staff in most fancy places is really not any different than those in most working place restaurants.
In some instances, that can be downright frightening. There are some people who work in restaurants in whose homes I would never eat in.
There is a rule of thumb a person needs to observe as a customer in a restaurant.
Treat the staff as you yourself wish to be treated. Unless you are a masochist, you want your dining out experience to be pleasant. Attacking the people who cook your food is a form of Russian roulette. Most cooks are professionals who can work in spite of insults and degradations.
Others, however, are not. It pays to remember what George Orwell wrote in Down and Out in Paris and London: "Roughly speaking, the more one pays for food, the more sweat and spittle one is obliged to eat with it."
Acting superior to others, or treating others as if they were slaves, is hubris, pure and simple. No matter how highly you think of yourself, that doesn't mean it isn't true. There are others who are willing to prove it to you, too.
Why take such a chance?
Now, I shall relax, having eaten a rather delicious Mushroom and Swiss Thickburger from Hardees earlier in the day.
Peace be unto you.
